Ragging on a movie that received only 9% on Rotten Tomatoes feels a bit like reaching for low-hanging fruit. Yet I didn’t know it was only 9% when I went in and my expectations rose and plummeted swifter than Sue Storm.
High schoolers invent interdimensional travel for a science fair and it gives them dumb, otherworldly powers. How can otherworldly powers be dumb, you ask? Well, if it turns you into a giant rock dude, that’s how. When these “powers” kick in, all of a sudden you’ve got a seventeen-year old boy clobbering around voiced by a grown ass man. Why, just because he’s a rock now? Is this a metaphor for puberty? Do rocks have higher levels of testosterone? If he had an empty chest like a cavern, maybe his voice could echo. But I’m fairly certain he’s supposed to be solid. So, how does he eat?
But nevermind these frivolous technicalities. I was willing to suspend my disbelief for good storytelling, and what I was given instead was:
One of the high schoolers goes evil just ’cause. He wants to destroy the world because…pollution. The stakes don’t feel very personal, but go with it.
Our Token Female, Sue Storm, doesn’t even explore the other dimension. She gains her superpowers through contact exposure when the males return because why would a woman want to explore space?
Sue Storm’s exciting adventure features activities such as sitting at the computer. “I need music to work,” she says, then puts on her headphones to ignore her surroundings and any plot development. We don’t even hear what she’s listening to.
In short, they should’ve called this movie The Failtastic Four.